Best and Worst

Okay, so I've been remiss in my posting duties. I am still trying to recover from my three hour statistics test last week. Plus, all the women at work have synchronized menstrual cycles now, so the past week has been like a chick flick gone horribly wrong. Not Thelma and Louise. Not even The Joy Luck Club. We're talking Steel Magnolias, only everyone is bloated and bi-polar -- without the charming southern drawl. So, since I don't have the option of offering ya'll a rerun or a medley of my greatest hits while I wait for my hormones to cease moaning, I thought I'd give you a glimpse of my far from finished list of best and worst. It's random and unedited for public consumption, but it's the best (and worst) I have to offer at the moment. Enjoy!

Worst food and wine pairing ever: cabernet sauvignon with peanut butter crackers. (Oh yes, I did. I needed some protein and I really wanted a drink. It was as disgusting as it sounds. Funny enough, I did not stop.)

Second worst food and wine pairing: Munchos and sauvignon blanc. This is a munch better combination. Dancing Bull is quite good and costs only $7.99 a bottle. The Munchos are so salty that they sear your mouth flesh on contact, but it's easy laptop eating for multi-tasking career girls like me.

Best I-Desperately-Need-Something-that-Rhymes rap lyric: (From Rapper's Delight) "I don't mean to brag; I don't mean to boast, but we like hot butter on the breakfast toast."Go ahead, try to not rap along to that line.

Best reason to date a younger man: Jake Gyllenhaal.

Worst female impersonator: Celine Dion.

Best place to sell a refrigerator, find a psychotic housemate and locate a White Power meeting within 15 minutes: Craig's List.

Another super disgusting food/wine pairing: Ravenswood Zinfandel with honey/mustard/onion pretzel pieces. (I threw up.)

Best reason to listen to talk radio: (TIE)
1. Dr. Joy Browne tells callers how to deal with their parents, paramours and poodles with wit, wisdom and the occasional well-placed bitchslap. Very interesting and informative if you are a psychology dork or you need alternatives to firebombing your ex. Note: Do not confuse her with Dr. Laura, the sadistic hater-shrink who defines herself with the insipid tagline: "I'm my kids' Mom." (Note to said kids: I will totally read the tell-all (a la Mommie Dearest) book if you write it.)

2. Coast to Coast A.M.: Oh my God. If you want to hear call-ins from truly mentally ill people then this show is for you. Stay current with the latest in parapsychology, conspiracy and UFO chat in discussions led by a lot of truckers, drunk people and a surprisingly high number of folks claiming to be archangels, time travelers and the antichrist. Seriously, I totally dig all this stuff. Especially when the numerologist Glynnis is the guest. Turns out I'm not the only one who thinks Brad Pitt is way out of his league with his batty bombshell Angelina Jolie. That is a Barbara Walters/Oprah interview weep-a-thon in the making, trust me. Get your psychic vibes validated on a.m. radio. It's more awesome than a parallel universe full of astral projecting Bigfoots.

Best Example of Girl Power at its Best (this week anyway) -- The Dixie Chicks as seen in the documentary Shut Up and Sing. I've had a soft spot in my heart for those women since they released that song about killing Earl the wife beater. I had no idea, however, how genuine, funny and fierce they could be when faced with boycotts, bashing and a death threat. For those who don't know the back story, lead singer Natalie Maines made anti-war and anti-Bush comments before a show in Europe just at the onset of the Iraq leg of the War on Terror or Whatever Else Seems Worthy in the Moment. This film is for you if you value free speech or if you just like witnessing what happens when people with no real ability to think for themselves get bees in their bonnets.

Unfortunately, Natalie Maines also ends up in the category of Worst Hairstyle on a Beautiful Woman. Girlfriend, why on earth are you spraying your hair into a makeshift mullet? Your stylist cannot be a gay man. No gay man would let you do that to yourself. I'm sorry. You still totally rock. But seriously, you look just a little bit like a piranha.

Okay, gotta dash. More later, my fellow snipsters. Thanks for reading!